don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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