I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
