So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
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Why does Corona taste like a burp?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
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You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
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