Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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