We're like a lot better than the average bears
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize