yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
