I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I stole a fireplace last night.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
