Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
