my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
