It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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