as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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