Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My vagina just clenched in fear
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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