i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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