I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
