Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
