U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
