So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
