Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
