Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
did i just pee glitter
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
