Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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