Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
