Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
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