Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
