I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
