Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You can't just leave with hair like that
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
