I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
