I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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