Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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