redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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