Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
are you so shy because you have an std?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
