According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Even my vagina gasped.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
