Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
