Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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