You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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