We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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