I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
