Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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