I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
