When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
