and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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