haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
