i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
