I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
