saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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