I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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