Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
