do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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