i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
