is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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