38 yer olds are good kisserssss
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
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the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
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i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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