We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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