Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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