I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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