do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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