Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
