Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
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Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
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The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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