He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Your shirt... Was in my pants
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
