when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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