I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
