Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
