That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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