so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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