i think my tv is drunk
I cockslap morals
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
