You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
