perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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