Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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