she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Terrible idea I love it
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
