I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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