I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
