My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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