Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Randomize
