Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
