meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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