She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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