Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
i now understand why vodka
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
