my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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