That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
