Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
