Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
please don't ironically join a cult
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