she looked like the before picture.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
