I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
