Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
