twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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